Hard to find the words

I have been absent for a while.

I'm not sure I'm back yet but wanted to share a little.

My favorite time of year is coming but I'm not looking forward to it as much as I usually do.

Things are forever different. I understand it's the normal course of life. It is what it is.

It's an adjustment. 

I will continue forward. I will carry with me all the happy, fun, kind and good memories.

I will remember that she wanted me/us to be happy. I will do my best.

I am, at present, not happy or overly sad.
I think I may still be processing?

It's very surreal.